Something That Came to Mind

June 30th, 2014
11:24 pm
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Age: 20


This isn't something I would normally do. For those of you who know me it isn't hard to realize that. I have a huge problem communicating emotions and getting things off my chest so I can move on. I hold grudges way longer than I should (I am sorry girl from first grade, but I still hate you) and it creeps into everything I do.

Today has been a rough day. Not like seriously rough, like first world problems rough. But it was enough to get me down. My fiance, brother, and I decided to start making YouTube videos and that requires a lot of talking. I can talk for long periods of time about absolutely nothing, but something about knowing that other people would be hearing this it exhausted me.

I have a rough time talking to other people. It isn't that I am incapable or social inept. I just don't really like to. If I go to class and half to talk to other people I go back to my apartment craving silence and solitude. I have always been like that. After most social events I needed time to recharge, but lately it has gotten so much worse.

"We should really hang out more often!"
"You know, Katie. You should join a club or something."
"Don't go wasting the best years of your life!"
"You'll never have opportunities like this again."

Phrases like that are the bane of my existence. I hate clubs and groups. I detest them. I will join one or decide that maybe I should go out and meet people, then about 10 minutes later I am regretting everything and trying as hard as I can to be free of obligations. Anything I can do to allow myself the option of staying at home with my book, Netflix, or video games I will do. I hate having obligations. It ruins my whole day and makes me very panicky.

Believe me, I know how whiny I sound. I have been told my entire life that I am extremely dramatic and prone to exaggeration. But this is really starting to effect my life. That is why I have decided to start this blog/ranting/expression project. I need so way to let people know what I am thinking and how I feel.

So, lets see how this goes. I know this one sounds like a whiny rant, but I have complete faith that I can use this to better myself. Also I plan on not having a plan. I like the idea of not having a specific topic to stick to. Randomness and variation are some times good things.

I will leave you with a picture and all my love.

Let's see if I can really make this a thing.